


I'm Sorry

by AugustStories



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archangels, Brothers, Crying, Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Gabriel (Supernatural) is Not Okay, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, POV Gabriel, Post-Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, Season/Series 13 Spoilers, Self-Hatred, Shock, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 14:39:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19297789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AugustStories/pseuds/AugustStories
Summary: He wanted it to be over.He didn't want this. He really didn't want this.'I love you, brothers, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.'





	I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I love Gabriel. I don't know where this came from but I just finished watching Swan Song for the SPN Summer Rewatch 2019 and I needed to write this down.
> 
> Also spoilers for Season 13 for the ending.

He was in the middle of a party, barely dressed women and men slipping through the ranks of wildly partying Pagans and humans, money and alcohol flowing around wildly. Nothing lowered inhibitions more than knowing that the world could end at any second now.

 

Gabriel was busy keeping his mind away from those thoughts while he drank and drank glass after glass, smiled at the women sliding onto his lap. He lost himself in games and make outs in shady corners of the hotel, nothing else but pure distraction from life and existence without cause or meaning.

 

Soon enough either one of his brothers would die or Gabriel had at least helped in condemning Lucifer back into another eternity in the Cage.

 

So he drank some more and lost himself in two women at once to just shut up his thoughts and it worked. It worked magnificently until his head suddenly filled with the screams of a voice he hadn't heard in a long time. Mid kissing the brains out of a black haired beauty, Gabriel had to push her away and rush out from the corridor, ignoring the confused calls of his name, well his fake identity's name. Blind with pain almost, he somehow made it to the backdoor and then crashed outside into the mild spring air of Monte Carlo.

 

He didn't make it to the railing that overlooked the city and the grand harbor down the hillside, instead he fell to his knees and bit his tongue and his lips hard to keep a scream falling from his own lips. His hands came up to press against the sides of his head, as if he was physically trying to hold together what the screaming inside was trying to tear apart.

 

It wasn't a prayer.

 

It wasn't just Angel Radio.

 

It was the terrified scream of an Archangel's Grace crashing into Hell.

 

Into the Cage.

 

And it wasn't the right one.

 

Gabriel pressed his eyes shut when the pain intensified still, Michael's Grace completely out of control and lashing out wild in its intent to call for help, an involuntary shoutout over Archangel Radio.

 

Michael was falling into the Cage.

 

Michael.

 

Why was Michael falling into the Cage and why was he in so much pain?

 

Gabriel stopped breathing because he didn't need to anyway, everything was burning and he couldn't even see anymore due to the pain.

 

What was happening?

 

His Grace and his magic, both still low from the effort it had cost to trick Lucifer not once but twice, were both going haywire, attacking each other in a desperate attempt to find out what was going on, where the pain was coming from.

 

Before he could understand anything, his head suddenly turned deadly silent, the screaming gone, the pain entirely vanished and what was left behind felt like an emptiness to a degree he had never felt before. And only now did he realize and comprehend that Michael hadn't fallen into the Cage alone, Lucifer was back in it, too.

 

The connections to both his brothers was cut. In that ripped off frayed way that Gabriel had experienced once more, when he had still been in Heaven and Michael had banished Lucifer to the Cage for the first time. Only this time the missing ends of the connections he had ignored for a millenia until last year they felt raw like an open bleeding wound.

 

This hadn't been a Prince of Heaven making a clean cut before throwing his little brother into Hell to spare his even littler brothers the pain of feeling the rip. This had been Michael holding onto them with everything he had before the Cage had oulled harder and ripped it apart string by string.

 

Tears fell from his eyes as Gabriel now found himself gasping at stone slaps on all fours, unable to do so much as sit up or even get up.

 

His mind was numb.

 

For minutes he was a prisoner to his vessel's paralysis as a consequence of the pain rolling over him, and it was way too much time to be caught in shockwave over shockwave of realizations rolling over him. Michael and Lucifer got trapped in the Cage, he didn't know if inside their vessels or what vessels, if either of those had been one of the Winchester brothers or even both. But Michael and Lucifer were in the Cage, together, trapped together. Prince of Heaven and the Devil.

 

How would that end in nothing but total destruction?

 

Of each other!

 

Only they wouldn't be able to because the Cage was constructed to trap Lucifer and keep him alive because Father was not only a coward but also cruel. Michael and Lucifer trapped in the Cage, unable to kill each other but probably having nothing but a desire for such an action.

 

What had the Winchesters done?

 

'But isn't this what you wanted?' His subconsciousness spoke up then as Gabriel slowly began to feel the stone under his fingers again. 'You gave them the instructions on how to open the Cage. You showed them how! You!'

 

"I just want this to be over!"

 

His own words came back to haunt him as he frantically tried to regain control over his vessel to get away, he needed to hide, he needed to find somewhere quiet until he had himself together again, he couldn't be found like this.

 

Not like this, he thought now, he had wanted it to be over but not like this, not with his big brothers killing each other or even themselves for all of eternity only to be brought back again and again by the Cage's magic.

 

Not like this.

 

But it was too late, Michael and Lucifer were trapped.

 

And Gabriel was alone.

 

Now, he was truly alone.

 

Because Raphael and him had never seen eye to eye, never gotten along, and if Raphael knew what role Gabriel had played in this, he would kill him. No hesitation felt at all. His one remaining big brother would kill him for supporting the Winchester in their ill received intention to rewrite the story.

 

'Father, I'm sorry. This is not what I wanted, this is not why I told them about the rings. I just wanted Lucifer back in the Cage, contained, safe. I wanted Michael to rule Heaven and leave Earth alone. I didn't want this pain and terror for them. I didn't want this.'

 

He knew praying to a father who hadn't cared about any of them in so long was useless but he did it anyway, tears still falling, limbs still frozen, not even his wings he could lift to bring him away from people, away from everything.

 

'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'

 

'I'm sorry, Mikey. I'm sorry, Luci. I didn't know what to do.'

 

And now he was alone, Gabriel, the Archangel, alone and abandoned on Earth for good, there was no return to Heaven for him anymore, not even the idea of it. The Apocalypse was stopped. And he would never see his brothers again, not even from a distance, he would never feel their Grace again, no matter how distant, he would never hear their true voices again, however muffled.

 

Raphael had already cut himself off from their private radio before Lucifer had even fallen the first time, he hadn't wanted to be associated with anything. Lone Ranger. But even after Lucifer had gotten trapped then and Gabriel had left, he had sometimes still heard his oldest brother, had taken comfort in it, in knowing that if it ever came to it, Michael was still there and Gabriel could seek shelter if needed. With him.

  
With his big brother.

 

Now he was alone.

 

And all he had was silence. Deafening choking silence.

 

He had nothing.

 

'I love you, brothers, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me.'

 

And on top of everything the realization sliced into him that Lucifer had this time fallen into the Cage believing he had killed Gabriel. That Michael had fallen believing that Lucifer had killed their little brother.

 

And not just hurt, as he had the first time around. A broken wing that had sent Michael over the edge and banished Lucifer into the trap that their father had created as a last measure.

 

What would Michael do to him now? Believing that Lucifer had killed Gabriel with his own blade?

 

Even if none of it had truly been real.

 

'I fooled them too good. They will destroy each other over my death, too.'

 

There was nothing for him anymore.

 

How could he ever go on with this sitting on his shoulders?

 

How could he ever forgive himself?

 

\--

 

That was how Loki's sons found him.

 

And Gabriel didn't fight.

 

Why should he?

 

He was alone.

 


End file.
